Cornerstones of what we do can be measured by the situations we find ourselves in. Lately, things have been rough mentally for me. When I say rough, I want to enlarge the topic, and by doing so I need you, the reader to open your mind to the scenarios I create. Yo, this world I live in is a mad house! If it wasn't for the vacation I went on earlier last month, I don't know if I still would be employed today. For real!! The experience of potential burnout was relative. The forefront of the lens exposes the dryness inside of my body. My eyes couldn't shed tears, and my heart appeared to be becoming frozen.
Why do I say this? It's a blog, so I am all relating my experiences to you. I don't do this for attention, likes, love, or laughs. No, I do this for relief and outward expression. Thanks for reading along with me as I sponge out my thoughts.
As you have read or will read, 'Sincerest Heart' was the timeline of my vacation. It opened me up in ways I felt as though I had forgotten about. Soul searched in the gardens of Mary, i called it. Thankful again to be alive, and I needed that experience to feel again. FEEL AGAIN. I was dry! I refused to feel dry again, but also I did not want to take on unnecessary chaos. I am not a saviour. Something I think along the way, I lost. I've written about some of the traumatic experiences with clients I have assisted along the way. 'Colors,' I reckon could've been that blog? It hurts me NOT to be able to help the folks i oversee in the community. I had to learn, though, that I cannot save them from themselves. So what have I changed? I have not taken the client metaphorically home with me after work. I block out thinking of their woes during my off time. I accept that they will make poor choices ( or choices i deem as poor), and they will have to endure the results of those circumstances. I will not be angry anymore at things that are out of my control. That is something I forgot somehow along the way. I will give faith in the client's strength and guide them along the way.
Why be a Social Worker if you can't take the heat in the kitchen?
Well, I am a sous chef at the best of times in this field. So I have a lot to learn, and I fucking like being in the kitchen! Fast-paced, charismatic encounters, life-pressing situations, and triage of societal undoings captivate who I am as a person! Recently I was asked by my boss how I could have two completely different passions in work experience. We were out for lunch, and I was lost for a moment in the chaotic ambiance of the restaurant bar we were in. You see, if you didn't know, I was a club manager in my "old" life.
My answer: " I loved the party. I could create the party and show the world a really good time. Steve Rubell of my time, I like to think! - She said she could see that, actually. She loved my passion for this work and found it such an interesting connection. I joked and said I created some of our clients today! I used to force addictions on people in ways, and now I want to force the addiction out of them to save their souls!!! LOL
I do not like fearing mistakes. I do not like feeling under the microscope of the community. I certainly do not like watching our fellow man fall countless times in a community that can not offer the appropriate resources for them to succeed. Now I also see that the fellow man has to take accountability and responsibility to guide themselves out of the proverbial ( or not ) gutter! Therefore here I am. I can make connections and create a community for the people. I cannot save them from themselves. If an appointment gets missed, that's ok. If the client abuses their self-instructed allowances, that is their choice. If the client passes away, it is not a fail!!
I speak of death and its many effects in another blog I recently composed. I attempt to capture the work I do, through some of the blogs I create. I believe the message of hope, courage and strength comes out not only through me but through the people who share. The people who share are the people often forgotten about. Their story is survival. My story is about running with scissors and trying to battle off their demons.
It is not all a mystical storyline........ It is not fun and games........ It is a poverty picture Esq.
Let me leave you with a couple of inspirations that I read daily. Also, though, let me leave you with hope for a better tomorrow. A chance for you and me and them to find a way. As you see we ALL need to find a way. Help your fellow man.......
"Today, notice your heart. It's still beating. Still fighting! You made it, after all. You made it, another day. You can make it one more!"
Ross M
"Reflection of thee
Mirrored tapestry chained
Why though is it he?"
Sabastian Stefano.