The winter retreat has begun.
This time things are going to pulse a bit differently.
Where there is no light, there will be no remoteness.
Recently or since my last retreat I've had some changes in my aura. Positive change mixed with sudden and aggressive healing, which I didn't fully embrace for. With that being said my perspective is shining more green as in newly minted; as opposed possibly to the darkened purple which coloured a version of me that needed rest.
This rest that I get from Providence is something like no other. I truly am uplifted by my surroundings here. Though it has a slight religious aspect to it, it is not a heavy god push on your heart. I describe this as a tender awakening to my inner self each time I present my soul to the world which is providence.
I also have decided to attempt micro dosing with psilocybin. I am doing a trial run and I hope this weekend is enough to enlighten my awareness.https://www.dropbox.com/s/bhuyeyd0wc68mm1/Beginners_Guide.pdf?dl=0
I don't believe I will experience anything more than a boost in vision both anticipatory and emotional. If I do, well that's gonna be part of this blog.
So for night one hour 2 I thank you for reading.
If you'd like to read about my past retreat experiences, they are here on my public WIX account.
MUCA is my sacred word for this cleanse. The word means something darling to me. This shall guide me along this journey this weekend. At times I felt sinking but entrappednin deep thought. I was able to pin point my whereabouts to center all the while feeling my body.
Chastised heart, flowing joy an overwhelming feeling of release and patience is what "Good" defines in me in this now.
Take moments to breathe in your SoUl
Breakfast this morning;
The truly sacred place is where I am!
Wow what a phrase this is, and oh how important to understand it! As this journey of self discovery continues I know very well what content feels like. A new feeling but all around beautiful. After having grasped expecting less and yearning fewer times than my old self; I've come to ease into this peaceful living.
Hearing this simple phrase from Father Keating, titled my thoughts completely.
Bedraggled birds and the bush with our nest. Yes the tale of the mustard seed. Now wouldn't you know it that on the field of work I do, as some of you may have already known I am a social worker in the human service field. There is an agency that is intertwined with the agencies I work for, that comes up when hearing this tale.
The growth of this weed in and amongst the people making it no different than the rest generates the idea of place for all. Come dine off the mustard seed as it grows. Though not a massive tree forever extending life's exotic wonders. Rather a bush and the few of us whom meet there are said birds.
I have to laugh because it's epically painted in my mind what we all bedraggled may look like!
I just may retitle this whole piece to us the bedraggled!!
Pharisees:The Pharisees paid a great deal of attention to outward ordinances and actions that would make them appear righteous, but they were not as concerned with actually being righteous in their hearts. For this Jesus referred to them as hypocrites.
Publican;The Pharisee thought of no one other than himself and regarded everyone else a sinner, whereas the publican thought of everyone else as righteous as compared with himself, a sinner. The Pharisee asked nothing of God, but relied upon his own self-righteousness.
Two men go up a hill. One stands a bit lower than the other and begins to proclaim his strides of devout to the lord.
He is unlike the thieves, adulterers rouges or this publican ( he looks up at the other man)
I pay a tenth of my income and I even fast twice a week my lord!
Now the Publican whom stands a bit higher ground asks for mercy for he knows he is a sinner and he can ask no more but for merciful grace.
As the tale goes the more justified man is the publican whom shown exult for humbleness rather than the man who chose to be humble without exult.
I learned this tale and understood it a great deal. Once upon a time I was a judgemental choir boy, who looked down on the people surrounding me. Those people being the beggars, thieves and rouge. Then I tumbled down the hill and into their world where I became the hurt I so chose to declare them to be!!
I am now both the Pharisee and the Publican. I believe I can see the better half of the circle of being a proud man. Not the full thing, but whatever my journey will allow me to see; and when.
Everyday transformation for me occurs with the symbol I brought for the "table" my daily hourglass.
It comes when I turn it upside down each night resetting the woes of the day. Tiny woes, nothing like my days of substance fuelling my body and or ruining my soul with hate dismay and anxiety.
My transformation has been happening in waves. Ever since the first tipping point of getting in that* kumbaya truck to the cafe where I truly believe god chose *Chris for me. Each year something blooms in me. My soul gets brighter and the outlook I have on life gets sweeter.
Starting the *SelfCareSelfLove blog and promoting my personal wellness has been a gift!
I don't sell this gift. I share it with the world on my Instagram for all to see.
It's all about me. My ABSOLUTE NEED to be selfish area where I love myself more than anyone ever could.
*Shutting the truck door on Faith.
All stories that lead to faith and my transformation * and more will be a short series I right very soon.
With the good can come the evil. Which where is the present, if all was delivered to those whom WE as mentally unwell?!
Our faith is there and willing it to go on, is the corrupt outsiders. When once I realized I was walking amongst and part of, is when I understood me!
During the afternoon today I wrote a short memoir titled I.
This is an awakening time and a very important time for the healing journey of self deprecation I lived through.
I see me today. And I feel the faith in me in all that happens around me which can also affect me. Where as the "good" can become the "evil" all mixed into one.
The last two sleeps have been riddled with vivid dreams. I would even say some things that make up nightmares in my world. All very personal and the feelings were genuine as the other version of me played out.
If you've known me, you'd have heard my theory on how what if our Real life was when we are asleep?
This, all but a dream- reality!
As the retreat came to an end, I got to chat with a beautiful soul named Heather. She was one of the leaders of the weekend prayer circle. I flat out told her I felt a soul connection simply with the exchange of smiles. I shared this in the closing ceremony. Heather reciprocated this and an instant bond was formed.
This ability of mine to feel people's auras and sense good or evil as mentioned above is truly uncanny. I've not felt that on one of these trips to providence yet, well not until today.
I take with me the reassuring that I am leading my life well. I have confidence in my action and growth with my intent in dialogue with others. Faith has guided me very well and the everyday resetting is essential for my continued health and recovery.
I don't think I learned anything super new this weekend. I did learn meanings and titles for what my existence has been going through for me. I have titles like transforming daily, I have assurance that my lack of expectations is a good calming reminder of life's delights. I being at peace is the sacred journey and I being well with the dung that gets thrown my way is an absolute gift of the creator himself.
I'll go softly into the final hours I've chosen to take here at Providence. I relish in the private sitting rooms with all thing's spiritual. I always feel like this is all for me when I come here. This selfish program I lead in this journey is such an awesome feeling of gratitude for where I came from.
I just may watch some NFL here and be radical.
I thank Liz, for this pieces title as she has titled the last retreat as well. Bless her.
I dedicated the "Table" & overall experience to the old me and the addicts whom suffer.
Chris.
Perry, my father.
Thank you for reading and being apart of my spiritual journey.
Steve.