Ok so I’m not saying develop a new addiction or get a divorce and up and leave town! Unless you want too, then go hard!
I was confined to life the way it was set out for me. Engrained we’re these habitual nagging values set upon me by the people who created me. In fact fun fact- the trait(S) run deep in the family.
what does this mean? Ok One must work all the time, no fun is really allowed and if you do well you must not pry and or be to loud or be involved. Don’t do anything bad or outside the box because really how could you? No one likes you, so don’t even bother YOU will never amount to anything. Btw you are NOT special.
Sorry folks those are true versus scripted upon me which from an early age made me an awkward child. I didn’t have toys i didn’t get into the newest coolest thing because I wasn’t allowed to watch tv. Go out and play or there’s your room. Yep that kind of household. I was being destined to awkwardness and cowardliness for my life because and I believe this to be true; this was what shaped the people who created me. Hence it’ll be passed on and so on and so forth.
a story line for another POST I promise!! This gives you an idea of why spontaneous actions were never a drawn up note on my piano.
When I entered recovery or started too, I had to learn how to have fun. That seems to be the trend here and the beginnings of Self Love.
One day I packed my laCoste man purse and took a fucking walk. Yep I toured the neighborhood as though I’d never seen it. I visited shops as though they were new. I sipped coffee in a new light. I questioned why this first time was so different? It was because I was hanging out with my best friend who I neglected for my whole life, me! Now I no longer own that fancy man purse and I don’t pack around a backpack daily. I’ve graduated to driving!
The point here is, I had to learn to think out side the boxes I knew. I had to be Spontaneous but in a healthy good way! Cause as you guessed it; I already learned spontaneity and acted out!! YES another story for another POST.
“Intent is a tool, not an obstacle, to seek Spontaneity.” Kelly Borsheim