: a foolish or stupid person
… his anger burst forth freely-… “I have behaved like an imbecile!” as per Merriam Webster’ Dictionary.
“Bagatelle No. 25 in A Minor, WoO 59 ‘Fur Elise’ by Mister Frank Bauer, ladies and gentlemen!”
The audience in Club R&C turn their chairs and stop the chatter, laughter and drunkard Ness. He plays the piano as if he were in an orchestra, but a one man band. The moment is truly energetic. The mood lifted of the patrons like a dawn of Friday night’s first swig. Audrey rests her elbows raised to her chin, on the piano bar. Staring direct into her boyfriends eyes, she is moved every time he plays the instrument. Club R&C decorated in African black wood, high tops, low seaters a trough for groups lanterns for ambience lighting and an unused DJ booth make up this nineteen forties pub. Now I know I keep referring to it as a pub, and what the heck is someone doing playing that number on a piano there!? Well just explore with me would ya!
Then all of a sudden Frank busts out his guitar and begins to rock out to a Thorogood classic (1)……
“Wanna tell you a story About the house rent blues I come home one Friday Had to tell the landlady I done lost my job She said that don't befront me Long as I get my money next Friday Now next Friday come I didn't get the rent And out the door I went
So I goes to the landlady I said, "You let me slide?" I'll have the rent for you tomorrow Or the next day I don't know So said let me slide it on you know people I notice when I come home in the evenin' She ain't got nothing nice to say to me But for five year she was so nice Lord, she was lovey-dovey I come home one particular evenin' The landlady said, "You got the rent money yet?" I said, "No, can't find no job Therefore I ain't got no money to pay the rent" She said "I don't believe you're tryin' to find no job" Said "I seen you today you was standin' on a corner Leaning up against a post" I said "But I'm tired, I been walkin' all day" She said "That don't befront me Long as I get my money next Friday" Now next Friday come I didn't have the rent And out the door I went
So I go down the streets Down to my good friend's house I said "Look man, I'm outdoors, you know Can I stay wicha maybe a couple days?" He said "Uh, let me go and ask my wife" He come out of the house I could see in his face I knowed it was "no" He said "I don't know man, ah she kinda funny, an' all" I said "I know, everybody funny, now you funny too"
So I go back home I tell the landlady I got a job, I'm gonna pay the rent She said "Yeah?" I said "Aw yeah" And then she was so nice Lord, she was lovey-dovey
So I go in my room, pack up my things and I go I slip on out the back door and down the streets I go She a-hollerin' about the front rent, she be lucky to get any back rent She ain't gonna get none of it So I stop in the local bar, you know, people I go to the bar, I rent my coke, I call the bartender I said "Look man, come down here", he got down there Said, "Whatchoo want?"
"One bourbon, one scotch, one beer"
THE CROWD CHEERS AND THE HOUSE STARTS TO ROCK!! Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when I been drinking bourbon whiskey, scotch and gin Gonna get high man, I'm gonna get loose Need me a triple shot o' that juice Gonna get drunk, don't you have no fear I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
But I'm sittin' there at the bar I'm gettin' drunk, I'm feelin' mellow I'm drinkin' bourbon, I'm drinkin' scotch, I'm drinkin' beer Looked down the bar, here come the bartender I said "Look man, come down here" Said "Whatchoo want?"
THE BARTENDER BEGINS POURING THE DRAFTS LIKE NO TOMORROW!
WAITRESS’ ARE DOING SHOTS WITH THE REGULARS
COOKS ARE DOING LINES OF COCAINE OFF THE PREP TABLE
FRANK KEEPS STRINGING HIS BEAST
"One bourbon, one scotch, one beer No, I ain't seen my baby since the night before last Gotta get a drink man, I'm gonna get gassed Gonna get high man, I ain't had enough Need me a triple shot of that stuff Gonna get drunk, won'tcha listen right here I want one bourbon, one shot 'n' one beer One bourbon, one scotch, one beer" (Well all right)
Now by this time I'm plenty high You know when your mouth a-getting dry, you're plenty high Looked down the bar, I see'da my bartender I said "Look man, come down here", he got down there He said "Whatchoo want this time? I said "Look man, a-what time is it?" He said "The clock on the wall say three o'clock Last call for alcohol, so what you need?"
THE WHOLE PUB SINGS ALONG NOW!!
"One bourbon, one scotch, one beer" Lord, I ain't seen my baby since a-nigh on a week Gotta get drunk man, so I can't even speak Gonna get high man, listen to me One drink ain't enough Jack, you better make it three Gonna get drunk, I'm gonna make it real clear I want one bourbon, one scotch 'n' one beer One bourbon, one scotch, one beer"
Sylvester NewHook stands on the second floor watching the events unfold in his pub. Its as though his eyes seen green yet again, and not just with the money being spent! The manager of the famous Vincettio Pub made his career off this place. Money became no object to him. Most people meant nothing to him, for he was a selfish egotistical fuck. Tonight though, his eyes were green with envy! He must meet and know this man! No man ever got away from Sylvester NewHook. Not only famous for the clubs he created, organized, managed and ran; also sadly he could convert any “straight” guy on any given night! Don’t believe me? Check the clinic reports that connect him with the local STD spreads!
Anyway….. He struts down the spiral staircase and asks his friend Audrey to introduce him to this mystical creature with the blue eyes and guitar in his pocket!
“ Hahahaha!! I knew you’d love him!! Babe I told ya Vessy would be all over you in a heart beat!! ( Frank tilts his cowboy hat) That you did. Hey names Frank, in case you missed the intro. ( They laugh altogether now) You have to be the most beautiful man I have ever seen! I bet you say that to all the guys round here! He does!! ( Laugh again) Tell me you lookin for a little side gig here? Sure Sylvester what you offering? A little bit weed mixed with hard liquor? Sorry that was a bad very bad impression of Marshall right there. He’s funny babe! That he is, and he means well so pay him no attention as he ogles you for well the rest of your life!! I would pay you $100 bucks an hour, 3 hour nights twice a week? And booze? HAHA! You bet and booze, in fact lets have a drink right now!”
That’s how it started for them, one night in Club R&C. Soon no matter where Frank was Sylvester was there, and vice versa. Inseparable they had become. The relationship between Frank and Audrey fizzled, she quit the pub and he stayed on. Speculation always was, that Vessy struck again and gold with Frank. Lovers if you haven’t caught on. Now Frank isn’t your atypical bisexual man. He presented straight as straight can be. It was all…… speculation. Yeah we’ll call it that!
Frank was a construction worker and built houses mainly for a living. He had a crew of hard hats and they would work hard, play harder and usually at the pub. On Sundays when that pub was closed they mainstay at every other hot spot from morning till closing time on the regular. The duo was known throughout Vincettio. Rich Famous Alcoholics! A couple of Franks crew also joined on many occasions as the group could be seen all around Vincettio. The Hardie Boys, yes their last name was Hardie. J and Myles. J went by Hardie and Myles well he was nicknamed Smiles, for his blazing smile! The man could set fire with his looks just by flashing those pearly whites. Tagging along was the couple Ian and his ever-pressing pain in the ass girlfriend Suzie. Ian was fun and vibrant, but that Suzie dear fuck could she ever ruin a night with the temper tantrums she would throw.
Picture it this bombshell of a woman, given all the goodies in life. Pleasured with all the nicest things, money jewelry cars wardrobe!! Spoiled! Sylvester employed her as a favor, and she was even more hard press then!
Suzie had an adopted sister, Serena who at one point joined the older gang out one night. Serena was one of Sylvester’s favorite people in the world, and he couldn’t believe she was related to that Suzie! A summer or so later, Suzie was doing some acting with her university and they needed someone to help build sets for this elaborated play based on Nilo Cruz’ ‘Anna in the Tropics’ a poignant poetic play set in Florida in 1929. A Cuban American Cigar Factory mixed with gangs and satire of course. Frank was offered up to assist the University as a favor of Mr. NewHook and he gladly wanted to help. This also put a muzzle on Suzie’s never-ending demands. They also adored Serena, so this was a great fun thing to do. One could call this the summer where the local drunks went on a vacation. Well, we did call it that. Sylvester left the pub in the care of one of his partners for that summer and Frank had Audrey watch his dog. Along with Frank and Vessy, the brothers, the couple and Serena take a trip to the edge of the mainland about 5 hours away from Vincettio to build Florida’s Ybor City circa 1929!
Since the summer would be a long exhausting adventure, Frank bought a condo by the ocean. Naturally Vessy moved into the condo with Frank and the two would cater to each others alcoholism day and night. The boys would rowdy up The Reverend, the only bar in the area. Suzie continued to be herself on this trip and embarrassed Serena along the way. The boys helped build many of the stages for the play. Set in such industrial times with the tropical background was a hard days work. An old cigar plant was created, a luxurious home for the predominant family of the story and streets for scenery. Much to be played on so they all thought.
Serena would be studying day in and out. Occasionally her friend Vessy would help her with lines. On one of these afternoons Vessy awoke late and arrived on the set late as well. However on this day he would find Serena with her male lead Kelter Faison. Vessy stood back a bit hidden in the tropical landscape that covered 99% of the area. He watched as this man was not only practicing lines, but playfully flirting with Frank.
“Damn man, there’s a lot more to this land then meets the eye! ( J coming up behind Vessy from the brush) What are you doing standing here spying? Im looking at Kelter. Oh do you have a crush again Sylvester (mocking him and his ways) No! Ahhh I see, he’s flirting with Frankie hahahaha! Fuck off J. Go get rid of him for me. You got it, but it’ll cost ya a bottle later bud! Sure sure.” Sylvester watched as J took Frank’s attention away from Kelter, but not the other way around. This kid was younger than Sylvester, more model shaped and could play a real Columbian kingpin. Well, Kelter was just that, a Columbian Kingpin. He comes from a family high in ranking and was considered to be a feared establishment through and through. This mere thought of a person intimidated Sylvester. Could it be that someone more powerful than he, could catch the eye of the wanderer who is Frank? The short answer, yes!
Much like a character from the play, Sylvester found it all to much and could see the feelings appear between Frank and Kelter the southern belle of sorts but from Columbia. Desperate, angry and felt disrespected Vessy left his friends and went back to Vincettio! No mountains or Hills, but clouds that soak up the entire scenery, hence the play back drop. Also the place where Vessy found he couldn’t hide from his jagged feelings from what he seen between the two men. “Infinite so much light… always a hiding place or one could hide behind light depending on what one is hiding from…perhaps the light itself. Light of Fire, stars or reflects off rivers and penetrates through cracks or light that reflects off the skin. Perhaps the most difficult to escape!” Kelter read these lines from the play to Vessy in a mocking form! “It’s the light that will catch up to you as you abandon this! This? You, with your southern Columbian charm hit on my man and then mock me! Mocking you is easy Sylvester! You’re a shallow hole of a man, and Frank will do much better. He will see the light, and he will hide from you evermore.”
Sylvester bid farewell to the group, and kissed Frank on the cheek a goodbye. The train whisked Sylvester away, and as fast as that occurred Ybor City became a very mystical place!
A few weeks later a real ship was brought onto shorelines for some work to be acted aboard. The crew which consisted of the friends got the chance to enjoy a pirate night themed in the jungle party. Myles had noticed more of the sudden charms Kelter brought to his play and his admiration of Frank. J was also quite the observant one as he often noticed Kelter slipping into the brush occasionally in the dead of night. Now mind you J was also a raging alcoholic and nose candy lover; he still knew what he saw. On this night the party was in full force. Ian and Suzie dressed as the rich folk from land of course in the 30’s esquire. Frank dressed as Peter pan and the guys all dressed as the lost boys. Kelter introduced himself as Captain Crook much to the brother’s pleasure. Interestingly enough Serena dressed as Poison Ivy, a cartoon villain. She explained that with her long red hair and the surroundings of palm trees and green landscape this would make the most perfect outfit for the shenanigans. Everyone agreed and thought the idea was brilliant. One of Kelter’s friends joined the broken crew and she presented herself as a Jungle Queen of Africa. Yet she was Milano by nature, Ms. Lee Phoenix created quite the entrance in their lives on this night. The set of the factory suddenly caught on fire. All the guests on the boat seen from the water a blaze occupy the sky. This caught everyone by surprise. Then she appeared.
Lee Walked in her golden gown up the anchored platform onto the Oyster Yacht and announced her arrival! “Ladies and Gentlemen may I be the first to bid adieu to the factory. We have completed that part of the play! (The crowd cheers) Welcome to Ybor City a fictional little piece heaven we have created here on the islands coastline. I am the producer of the play Lee Phoenix. I thank all of you for being here and relishing in this serving of gods land up for us during this production. My good friend Mr. Faison has informed me of the mastermind behind the architecture is you Mr. Frank Bauer. (Lee points to Frank amongst the guests) Come up and let everyone adore you!! ( He walks up on stage shyly) Everyone adore him now! (Everyone claps and cheers.) Kelter tells me your craftsman ship follows you to the bedroom. (Everyone oohs and ahhs. Franks turns red) Hahaha boys I wont reveal anymore! We are glad to have you here thank you and your crew for all you do!!
[Lee walks Frank down to the lower lounge] Please let me buy you a drink Mr. Bauer. Please, call me Frank. Ok Frank, how did you come aboard this project? Well my partner Sylvester believed this would be an amazing investment and we also really like Poison Ivy over there. Like like? No as a friend, she’s actually the sister of the incomparable Suzie. (Frank points to Suzie having meltdown #3 of the night with Ian off in a corner) Oh yes ive seen that one in action for a while now, that poor poor man. Your partner, where is he? Listen honey I can see you get around with those baby blues. It doesn’t take a sorcerer to figure it out, and ill tell you a secret. Uhm ok? I also can read aura’s. I sense things from certain people, it’s a gift of being a gypsy. Oh, my THAT Sylvester I imagine. (Referring to the celebrity status of the one and only Sylvester NewHook) Yes, that’s him. So? Did he leave in a huff over little ole spicy Kelter there? Yes. How long did it take you to bed Kelter? Excuse me lady? Oh, don’t play shy with me. I haven’t bed Kelter, yet. This! Right here is why boy! I don’t understand. [Lee stands and paces around Frank] There is something about you. Something tasteful yet alluring. A stroke of masculine mixed with desire. A freshness that emancipates lust. You are a gift to this land! Are you actually a jungle queen here Lee? But slightly dumb you are too. (Lee Laughs) No! It’s a costume, but I am gypsy and can sense all of this. You, Frank Bauer, are not worth losing. Now where did that Kelter go? He is quite popular from what I have seen. You watch him, don’t you? I like him, but I love Sylvester. (Lee laughs again and whispers under her breath- not for long)
The party on the boat continues long into the night. Myles passes out while J has done line number 100 and is on the prowl for answers about this Kelter. Ian attempts to calm Suzie yet again on the lower deck. “Please just calm down, we can leave ok! We will pack and head home tomorrow if that’s what you really want. I don’t like it hear, its all about this damn play and fools partying. I’m over this sand, the forest bugs and I swear someone is watching me! You as usual are being delusional. I love how you like to put me down whenever you can, a pathetic form of man you are Glasstone! You forever sweet and kind raging fucking bitch!!” Suzie walks upward to the main deck and looks for another bottle to guzzle. Ian stays back to nurse, yet another cut she has given him during one of her fits. Lee introduces herself to Suzie. “A little late to be having a drink on the main deck all alone, don’t you think deary? Mind your business lady. Awe you are quite the pleasant one aren’t you? Did I ask for your company? No, I didn’t so leave me be and go back to your production. It appears you dropped an earring. What, omg its pure diamond where is it? Right there.”
Lee points toward the ship wall. Suzie stumbles over and then leans down to pick it up. Lee swiftly boot kicks Suzie in the stomach and she tumbles overboard. Lee proceeds to pick up the diamond and peers over the edge to see a struggling Suzie in the waters. Lee walks away.
The next morning comes and the play is entering its final act and the builds are coming to an end. Production is up bright and early, people everywhere there’s noise. Ian awakes to see Suzie isn’t in bed. He isn’t that concerned, but still a little curious. J awakes in what appears to be some sort of animal trap hung in the trees of the deepening forest. He wonders how he got there and how he will get down? Myles is on set working with Frank and they casually talk about the end of all this and heading back to Vincettio. Frank is not sure how to handle the jealousy of Vessy, yet also committed to rejoining his partner. Kelter overhears this and decides its time to make a full-on play for the construction god. Lee explains to Serena how fitting her costume was the night before and how she can envision another role she would be perfect for, if she’d be up for it. Before Lee can get into details, Ian comes yelling through the sets!
“Suzie has gone missing everyone!! Please help me find her!! Where do you think she could be man (Myles says) I don’t know but she left everything in the room right down to her diamond earrings! Why don’t we form a search party (says Kelter) Everyone pair off and we can look for her as a unit!”
The pairs form. Kelter grabs Franks hand. Myles tags along with friend Ian. Lee agrees to accompany Serena to find her sister. Into the forest they all go, but in different directions.
THE NIGHT BEFORE:
J and Frank do some coke together as J explains that Kelter travels into the brush nightly. He suggests they go peek into what he could be doing in the amongst the trees. Drunk and high the friends wrestle through the broken trees, loose leaf’s and darkness looking for any signs of activity. This being a tropical land, there is light shimmering off the waters and greenery so not all is black. Soon to their amazement a light appears in what seems to be a high anchored housing unit not far ahead but definitely deeper into the wood. How careless is this man? J says to Frank. They press on into the forest. Frank slips on some sort of greasy grass area and tumbles down the hill. J turns and instantly is caught off guard as Kelter appears and blows dust into his face. J collapses.
Kelter rushes down to see on Frank. Frank too is out cold. He takes the time to caress his sleeping face, wiping the dirt away. Kelter says to the sleeping beauty that he has never seen someone so truly beautiful ever in his life. He cannot offer him up, as much as it has been suggested. Kelter kisses Frank’s dry motionless lips. The light they just seen was out! A silhouette of a man stands before them and grabs Kelter by the neck as if he were an animal. The scruff of his neck skin hung in the hands of the shadow figure. No words were spoken but it was as though all Kelter could see was FIRE and DOOM!
“Look Ian, I may not be the biggest fan of Suzie, but maybe she did just up and leave you. Fuck that man, she wouldn’t no matter how angry she was. Most importantly she wouldn’t leave the presents such as the diamonds behind! That doesn’t tell you enough about her man?? Listen I love her Smiles, that’s that! Ok we’ll find her man. Where is your brother by the way? Huh, I have no idea.
“I can help you find her, I know this area like the back of my hand Serena. Thanks Lee, I appreciate all you’ve done. That includes casting me and bringing me and my friends on this trip. Well you got the best working man to build our sets. I mean if I were you child, I would’ve been trying to snag him as a husband! Oh Frank, no he and Sylvester. Those two will forever be intertwined. Yet he left him here? Green eyed monster I guess got hold of him. Speaking of green can I interest you in your next opportunity? Wait! Stop look there’s a man walking through the waters as though running to hide!”
Lee is again interrupted and decides to entertain Serena on this quest to find her sister and now the man running in the trees.
The two head on after the man. The man can hear them in the wind and makes himself vanish amongst the greenery. Lee finds herself on the same greasy spot Frank did the night before and falls carelessly down the hill. Serena goes to head after her, when she hears her name called from a far! She soon realizes it isn’t from a far. Its from above! She seems J trapped in rope up in the trees!
“How the hell did you end up, up there? I don’t know Serena I cant remember last night. Too much to drink I reckon boy! Help get me down! I need to check on Lee! Don’t trust these people Serena, something is off here! I just know it! Let me check on her, ill get you down just hold tight! (Running down to her side) Lee, Lee can you hear me? Yes child I can, but oh my head it hurts. You must’ve bumped it along the way? Listen Serena, we should get out of these woods. Wait, I need to help my friend!
The soundstage is putting on the final musical numbers as though the curtain could drop at anytime. Kelter leads Frank to an encampment which seems isolated along the edge of the islands tip. “What is this place man? My home here!”
Frank reads the framed verse on the wall inside of his home: ‘There is something I seek. While it is bound, it chooses kinds and peasants. When it is freed, it foretells war or woe. While it bound, it propels men’s lusts and furies. When it is freed, it tumbles, falls and fades. While it is bound, life will often thrive. When it is freed, death will often follow. WHAT do I seek?’(3)
A riddle? One would call it that, yes. Are you hiding out here Kelter? I cannot explain to much to you Frank. Please just be with me, here and now! You want to fuck, with everything going on and in this weird place? It doesn’t feel right, Kelter. Stop feeling Frank, just be!” Kelter takes Franks hands, resting them on his hips. He gets under Franks tilted head and locks lips with the man who seems unsure. Slowly Franks hands move up Kelter’s body. A version of a cult classic song begins to play as though they were in the final scenes of that rock opera. Dust falls from the ceiling as though the mood was being set.
“ Give yourself over to absolute pleasure, swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Cant you just see it? Oh Oh Oh….. Don’t dream it, Be it! Don’t dream it, Be it. Don’t dream it, Be it. Don’t dream it, Be it. Don’t dream it, Be it. Don’t dream it, Be it.”(4) Richard O’Brien’s voice forever echoed in his mind. The elevation of spirit happened in those moments as two souls connected as two beasts rubbing backs. Frank lost himself in the lust of barebacking the silhouette devil that night. Parts of Frank were forever gone within moments. As though part of his existence were swallowed up with a kiss. The life of whom he once was gifted to the demi gods of the earth in the would be tomb of this mans home.
The people of the crew pack up the remains of the stage show. ‘Anna In the Tropics’ has officially come to an end. The summer for the tight group of friends also comes to an end. As all the remaining set pieces are packed onto the ship. Lee takes a final look around the land. She pauses and puts her hand on the wheel looking over to the waters where Suzie lost her life. She walks through the sand and onto the ship. She stands there in yet another tribal type dress of gold, looking back at the tropics as the large hatch closes. The Oyster leaves!
Sylvester sits in Club R&C a few months later, looking at the empty piano bar. Club is fresh off being closed for the night. He pours a whiskey and with a slight jitter or fear as one could call it he opens a letter written to him from Frank. ‘Copperhead Road’ begins to play through the DJ booth. Trembling he takes a vast swig. It reads: “Hey Steveo, I’ve joined the tour and will continue to make sets for the crew for the next couple months. The boys will stay up here and I have made arrangements for you to continue staying on my property while I’m gone. Ian and Suzie left to Ian’s family for an extended holiday. I love you, but I wont be back for a long while. Don’t wait for me. Take care bud!” Sylvester throws his glass against the DJ booth. “What Silence!” Ironically that’s the last verse of ‘Anna in the Tropics. As Sylvester sits there and looks at the empty chairs once occupied by his lover and friends. Peculiar though he thinks of how Frank never called him Bud? And how the hell did this song just play, the DJ booth doesn’t work? Dust begins to fall from the ceiling. Followed by one trickle of a blood drop. Sylvester looks at his hand and realizes something is very very off….
Back in the tropics a Turtle Dove is nested up on the broken rope cage that held J Hardie. The bird leaves her babies and swoops over to the tomb house of Kelter Faison. Kelter lay rotting on the floor below the picture stain on the wall of the once spotted verse. He bled out from his jugular. Through the window that held no glass the Turtle Dove cruises through the trees to find a lifeless Ian Glasstone at the bottom of that said greasy grass area. The chemicals from the swamp bubbled high and spat on the near by hills causing the area to be environmentally tainted. The Columbidae glides above the lands and enters the castle unit and soon the image of Tortorella lay there naked in bed. Blood seeps from one corner of his mouth as he dreams.
A boat ride splashing through the druids of NORD finds four friends having an absolute blast on what appears to be an end of summer party! Serena holds up the camera and says im taking a photo of us so we never forget this amazing trip! Frank grabs her side, with Andre and May posing for the picture worth a thousand words! Say Ahoy!
Night of the Evening Party:
“Its time!” [ Frank leads Jagger into one of the side rooms in Dana’s flat.] “Father Rowe, I didn’t know you’d be here!? I felt myself salivating at the prospect of time in which this scenario brought forth! I don’t understand Father? Join me with a glass of wine my boys!” Jagger and Frank indulge the request. The room begins to float, and their perception entices an unusual shift. Each man sees a different vision, one of past hauntings. Singular indeed, yet enough to emancipate from self under spell.
Frank however, notices something on a canvas in the room; “Same frame, same lettering but why does it say Blood?”
Empathic Manipulative Promiscuous Imbecile Reverend Echo
(1)Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Hooker John Lee
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer lyrics © Conrad Music, Gil Music Corporation
(3) Riddlesandanswers.com
(4) Richard O’Brien’s Don’t Dream it, Be it Song Lyrics.