WARNING EXPLICIT
As I find going through life, is it’s filled with so many U-Turns and surprising events. I truly believe this is all part of our storyline that god has set out for us.
If only I understood what was wrong with me at the ages where I could’ve changed course.
Age 9 I thought I would t live till 10
Age 14 I thought about taking my own life. Age 16 I again thought about “disappearing“
Age 18 I drove drunk hoping to crash
Age 19/20 my heart was truly broken developed a taste for cocaine and ran away
Age 24 Began drinking any emotion away
Age 30 I’ve now had a 3 digit number of unsafe sex partners
So would I of changed? Could I have changed if allowed or given the opportunity? how does one do this when they truly believe they are worthless? I’ve wanted to die so many times all because my mental health constantly declined! I felt as though I was abused by so many people than chose to be abused for so long! I declined so long and so often that I finally almost succeeded in “disappearing“.
I through extensive therapy and treatment have finally come to understand when my alignment is off. I have been gifted the joys of the work I’ve put in to BE the person I set out to be before boys, drugs, sex, friends, work, family, did I say boys?
I do this for me! All of this is for me to be healthier. I wish I could fast track some people through their tough times and I wish they’d hear me when I scream their pains. Gasp I cannot!
I care . . . I choose to not decline.