Level of Pain - even steven

Picture this a boy with hazel eyes who in all technicality is part of the minority in race of 5%, gets divided emotions over and over and over again. Borderline, oh how I never realized this compound word play such a remarkable role in my existence! Madonna, careers, abuse, spirituality, addiction, suicide, mental health and sexual/physical relationships with you guessed it emotional connections!

The first one was Wolf 🐺, that’s what I’ve referred to him on this blog as and so we shall continue. Built up from hanging out, to needing to be with one another every day. Our connection was built on similar upbringing, lack of self respect there was no love lost on us and we both felt incomplete. Wolf and I did a lot of experimenting and it was with him that I learned how to do drugs. Was with him how I never felt alone and felt absolutely loved and cared for. Vice versa he as well. The kiss was debilitating.

The last one per se we shall refer to D.M. Yup like direct messaging! Almost same statistics as Wolf: blond haired fair eyes though his I reckon we’re blue( could be wrong) this man slid back into a world I was comfortable in. His manipulation was first seen through the light, then I was convinced he was being sincere as he played on my emotions for judging people incorrectly. He pleaded that he had changed and was not the same evil mastermind he once was. We chatted every day, we hung out on the regular and we became fast close people. He began promising the next adventure and wanted my help in organizing a humanity project. Late night chats and a spin play on desire the man found himself in my bed. After he got around to what he wanted, his true form once again appeared. He only wanted a couple things from me and that was everything for his jealousy or obsession with me over took everything and I had been played, used and framed all in one fell swoop.

In our rooms of addiction discussion we speak of Half Measures. I’ve learned a lot of myself regarding this term. Yet it also means so much more. I am full of life love and laughter and to be formed by the half measures of other men or people in general has affected me and relationships going forward. A gypsy curse i call it, that all the men I’ve loved I’ve received half the reciprocation.