never mind the way that you can feel about yourself. decide the troubles and tribulations sun affect you the most and then play some an order in which you'd like to somehow attempt to deal with them.
Lately I have been invested in time for self! Yep the never ending debate on how to best take care of self through self love. Now it's been a while since I promoted the actual being which is this site! Self Care and Self Love we're the instruments of my whole blog.
Now this site bleeds into my #best platform which is @Wattpad
I do not forget on a daily basis that I am lucky. I am one of the few people who has so far made it on their recovery journey. I pray daily and thank my HP for my life and sobriety and all that comes with that.
So why have I been focusing more than normal on myself? I've been sad. I can't pin point the why of the thought process but I could guess on some things that are affecting my soul!
I've been understimulated with my part time activities. This does include the part time work environments.
The dread of the soul sucking position I've been Stuck in.
Escaping has been taking form in ways of spending beyond means for art pieces I've not fully adored.
Television my greatest escape has compelled me to sleep.
Sleep is all I want to do
I'd rather not be around others and cocoon myself in bed. I've even NOT turned the bedroom tv on in over a week.
People lie over and over
Some signs of depression are listed above and I'm well educated enough to know I am not well.
Sad Steve is emerging longer than normal and I cannot figure why? I was on a high for almost 2 months there from the retreat and now well I need another retreat for grounding. I have placed myself in situations where I want to be happy and love the things I'm doing, but I yearn for something more.
I do not know what!
Crave the undesirable
My mind caught in a rut
So I shop. I Dine. I Write. I Read. I Zone out!!!
Btw I have recently read Derrick Bell's Ethical Ambition and wow folks if you've not read this, I highly recommend!!
I nevertheless mind my behaviour patterns that act out and that are in my head. I counsel myself daily and realized I need more therapy. Yes being involved more in the Anoynomous community would be beneficial, I choose not to be- based on separation of work personal balances.
Where is the spark? My twinkle and fairy dust when I need it? Haha 😛 I know I'm there and I'm not quite on the edge but I feel disappointed in the right now! It's not the clients, it's not my friends, not my family either! God is good, very fucking good to me! I don't need a partner I don't believe in others making me happy or anything.
Sometimes I feel like Bill Foster from Falling Down:
Bill Foster: [disappointed with the burger he's been served] See, this is what I'm talking about. Turn around, look at that. [he points at the picture of a much nicer burger on the menu board above the counter]Bill Foster: You see what I mean? It's plump, it's juicy, it's three inches thick. Now, look at this sorry, miserable, squashed thing. Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture?
So now what? I write and I focus on more of me. Tiny trinkles of spared love that I can feel. Spared love, you may wonder what that means?
Stored emotion I have for really deep thought days. I build up on love for myself incase I fall out of love for myself. Yep true story. One of those things is to share the thoughts on here and with y'all.
Why??? Because it helps me see my own vulnerability. My Pride as well.
I reckon the point I'm attempting to make with my own self and y'all is pursue the joy that you seek. The menu of plentiful awaits. I've rated all the desired items so now I'll embark on new tastes. A food drop there for fun and enjoyment 😂
Thanks for taking the time to read my rant about feeling sad! I'll assume YOU too have sad moments on YOUR recovery journey ? Feel free to comment and share
I ABSOLUTELY WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YA'LL
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