Push the button and continue on. I had a chance to chat with someone recently about the auto pilot which is or appears to be all around us ever day. An example of this is for me when I get in the car in the AM my car knows we goin to Starbucks. At the end of the day it believes we are hitting up the market, cause I love to grocery shop. Can one just turn the auto pilot off?
I reckon it ain’t easy to be honest. When she asked me if I could turn off the day to day add ons which have begun to start weaving their way into my psyche I said I’ve never had an issue in this career per se to take work home. I did not find myself conscious thinking about cases or clients well-being before. So why now, she asked? Honestly I explained that I think a culmination of tiny trinkets found themselves in my pocket and hence why I’m here talking with you, I said.
The button can be pushed and it can be left be she said. That metaphorical object is utilized in all we do. It speaks greatly to my disdain over people with scheduling issues or the “have to do timeline”. Why does that bother me so much? Well I think I know! As a child everything had to be done exactly the same each time. This was passed down by my parents and their behaviour was crippling me. Hence as I mentioned in one of the previous blogs, how I became so hypervigalent I became so aware I could and can predict behaviour to avoid the outcome and or change the pattern of events. I do not like controlled thought process or the inevitable schedule. Live life and Dont be tied down to anything. There’s that button again.
this time though the button for me is lack of control or handing it over. Hence why I do not. So the button now that we spoke of is can a healer such as herself be preset there without losing her presence of self? I didn’t know the answer, neither did she. We discussed how we knew what we were meant to do in life, buttons did not play a part in that discussion. What’s your passion, she asked? Now this came from discussing my Novella and writing and I explained that though I love writing and always have I don’t reckon it’s my passion. She pointed out that story telling and profiling seems to be a pattern, it’s all a part of escapism. I paused and thought about this. There we had a button. All of a sudden a bright #red button appears in my life and it is always there. Escapism being a forefront of topic. Yet we’re both attempting to be healers in our own right.
Karen couldn’t explain how her calling came to be, it was just there. Her button though she didn’t ask for it was shelved but always within a hands reach. Her question to me was about passion and it did correlate to the work I do. The connector is in these cases that outcomes are not scheduled, they are not profiled and I couldn’t escape the reality of the character which in this case is a real life human and HENCE the button couldn’t be undone. I couldn’t see around the facts presented and this is why i found myself trying to escape in a retreat. Same reasoning for Karen.
Auto pilot can be altered. I’ve been left to consider passion and passion projects. My skill and my cause and effect. The big red button of escapism is the auto pilot for myself. It’s always been. i learned this in therapy and somehow continue to detail off the track and have to be reminded of my greatest skill, the need to escape!
I push the button all the time, auto pilot can be altered but the direction leads to the same stop sign each time. I know better now then to cross the red line in life nowadays. Remembering what got me here, remembering my passions.
Karen welcomed me outside as I vacated the building hey. However once I stepped outside the doors she disappeared literally. Strangest encounter I think I may have ever had.