Part of what I wanted to talk about in the last blog was the main discussion I had with “Craig” As we discussed his goals and plans as solid as they were something will continue no matter what we do. The activities he had planned all occupied his energy, time and discipline. I explained what that little thing is that would continue, as it continues in all of #us addicts- the mind fuck! I call it the Static, yeah just like the old TV static when the channel went off the air back when 😂 yup I’m that old!
Picture yourself a little girl long blond hair sitting in front of the tv am it begins to talk to you! Yea the static begins talking to us addicts as well, convincing voice and ideas so solid it ends us in jails institutions and usually death! I could not stop the static I needed medication I needed someone to hear it too I needed to fucking STOP!
I explained some of what Treatment is all about, rules etc and I also explained step work. Reason behind this even though Craig wasn’t down for Treatment, is explaining a step that stumped me from the beginning! Sanity, are you fuckin kidding me I said to many people back then. What is this a trick question! I mean it I absolutely thought this step was a joke. Well it’s 2, the second step.
“ Came to believe that a power greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity!”
I said to Craig isn’t this something? Do you even remember who the real Craig is? He said no after careful thinking. I said exactly because our sanity at the time is just that drinking morning, noon and night! That is sanity, what this is, is insanity not using! He laughed I laughed it’s a laugh. We as addicts do not know or we have forgotten who the real human is behind our addiction! The addiction is so gosh darn powerful that it erases more than money career friends and family it erases the human we once were!
So what is sanity? Better yet, what sanity would we like without the option of drinking? What did we like to do? How did time pass? What was it like to hang with friends and drinking wasn’t on the table- literally!
The realism in this conversation was off the charts. What is sanity? How do we find ourselves on the black out map? I brought to Craig’s new table the idea of making connections in the A community. Any A community! Option a high power as you wish, doesn’t need to be a religious thing. The most important thing about our sanity is maintaining our options when the static creeps up or when you feel as though you’re about to go off the air!
Talk to me tell me what you think about this! Can you relate? Do you get static?
Thank you so so so much for reading!